A summer afternoon in 2021
Went to the mother’s apartment for a glass of wine, and I think a birthday something…
Martha was there. Working on something for the mother.
She took one look at me.
“Oh my goodness Tonya, how are you?’
I looked at her bewildered. “I’m fine, thanks how are you?”
“Oh my goodness I’ve always wondered how you turned out… we were so worried about you’.
Huh?
What was she talking about?
I mean, I remember in elementary school, she’d be hanging around the building, she was the sister of one of the mother’s good friends, but… like, whatever.
What was she on about?
Martha proceeded to tell me about how she and the staff of the elementary school knew about the bullying that I was being subjected to, they knew that I was just sent back everyday and suffered more and more. Pushed on the gravel until me knees bled, ignored, taunted, beat up on the bus, punched in the head on the bus. Apparently the staff had known about it all.
She was pleased to see that I had turned out okay, and then revealed something to me that really changed me.
She stated that the entire staff of the school knew that I was being beaten up, taunted, bullied, and that behind the scenes, they were doing everything they could, within their limited power to help and protect me.
I was stunned.
I had been validated.
It had been exactly as I remembered.
It had been as I had told the therapist it happened, when the mother disputed it to said therapist and said it wasn’t that bad.
It happened.
My gaslighter showed up.
The mother, looked Martha dead in the face, and said ‘what on earth are you talking about?’
Martha looked at her while I recalled some of the bullying and abuse, and I will never forget the look on her face, when the mother looked right at me with this…
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’.
I recalled other instances.
‘I have no idea what you’re talking about’
I can remember what I was wearing and what colour it was, I remember that the mother made me stand outside in my bare feet on the ice covered door mat outside, while she watched me through the window in the door, cry and beg to be let back in, to teach me a lesson… I had forgotten my winter boots at school too many times, and wore my inside shoes home. She just kept getting mad, she didn’t realise that I was in a panic, trying to make sure I got on the bus, because school was a 45 minute drive away from home, and it would be worse if she had to come and get me.
She had zero recollection of any of the abuse I suffered.
She didn’t remember when one family that terrorized me on the bus daily, showed up at the house on a sunny day.
Dad was home, in the basement.
They rode their bikes over, it was about a 5 minute car ide, so they weren’t close.
Dad had been speaking to these parents for a while about their kids behaviour, and we were brushed off everytime. ‘Tell her to toughen up’.
They started throwing stones at the big living room window.
And it happened.
Smash. They had smashed one of the layers of the big living room window throwing stones at me while I was standing in the living room.
They took off like the devil. on their bikes… I watched them. Dad came racing up the stairs, hopped on his motorcycle, (no helmet) and chased them down.
And I got to watch.
He brought them back to the house, called their parents, and made them come over to see the damage they had caused.
Finally, I never had to deal with them again.
They moved out of town after their dairy farm burned to the ground… and I have no idea what ever happened to them.
But for once, someone had come to my rescue.
And she didn’t remember the trauma that has forever shaped her child.
They say that if a child had a gas lighter and a narcissist into heir formative years, they will definitely find or have one come into their adult lives….
how true that has turned out to be.
Another installment into the universe.
Thank you Martha, for validating my abuse, and thank you to everyone of the staff, wherever you are, I never knew you were watching out for me, but am forever grateful.